Dear Emily,
Today was my final visit with James. I signed up for the arts retreat and am driving to Napa later tonight. James doesn't really believe I'm going, and I don't know if I do either. I have to though - or at least that's what I keep telling myself. This deep passion I feel for him is unrequited, and I know I will die if I stay here. My visit with James was not as fulfilling as I thought it would be. There was a gloomy sense of loss that I felt upon arrival, and I could sense that he was trying to distance himself from me. Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why can't he just understand that I will never be happy, that he will never be happy, until we are together? Anyway, something worth noting did happen when I went to visit him. Although he tried so hard to be distant, our magnetic connection, even for him, was inescapable. We were drawn to each other. We sat down on a bench near his house. Once again, he pulled out his moleskine and decided to read me another one of his poems. This one, well this one was full of passion. It seemed as if, with each verse, his face was drawing closer to mine. My eyes were fixed on him, on his perfect lips mouthing the words which opened up my soul to him. "...our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls entwine..." Those were the last words of the poem. My eyes were filled with tears, with passion, with a desire. At that moment we shared a kiss - most pure and heavenly kiss one could ever image, and one that I will never forget. One kiss, and then he repented and went away. I called to him, but he was gone. I am lost Emily, entirely lost. His image, his poems, and the memories we have shared shall haunt me forever. I can no longer feel one ounce of happiness because I know I shall never see him again. We shall not be together until after death. I am tortured by my thoughts and my unheard of physical and emotional pain, but at least now I know for certain that James really does love me. He proved his love for me today, and now I can find some solace in that. Anyway, I have decided that I shall leave tonight.
Ciao, Anna
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